Fire Escape

Thursday - The Biehn Project:

Just been checking the ol' IMDB and I was reminded that MB was in Hill Street Blues, playing Officer Buttman, of all things. A most unfortunate moniker. Still, it explains the weird Hill St Blues de ja vu vibes I was getting from American Dragons. I swear it was the ratty hat.

I also read he was the story consultant on The Ride which is really disturbing because it was such a creepy film. They kept blackmailing and strong arming the guy, like they were forcibly inducting him into one of those weird alien suicide cults. Most unsettling. Still, the man behind the pretty face is outside the parameters of the MB Project. I'm really only interested in his amazing body...of work J (and didn't I get lectured on the evils of prefering style over substance in my actors over the weekend - it's all Orlando Bloom's fault).

Which brings me to The Art of War, tonight's treat. Oh no, it's got decent production values and a plot. This means MB is going to remain fully clothed throughout, and he does. Whimper. Even more tragically, the wardrobe du jour involves baggy clothes and even more ratty headwear. Love the earring though. Ha, you're thinking, do I pop the tape immediately after his character "dies"? Do I what. Michael was giving off traitor vibes right from the start and I knew he was going to do an Alec Trevelyan long before he pulled the Alec Trevelyan. The plot was rather telegraphed. Couldn't spot the good guys and bad guys right from the first frame, oh no. The plot was practically announced in the trailers. Besides, it wasn't a bad movie, as such, and it had Donald Sutherland in it, so I hung around waiting for my boy to show up again, looking mean and hot in that buzz cut. Nice showdown - we never really got the whole Fistful showdown in M7, mores the pity. Great fight and, oh yes, the death scene. I still think Bean does it better, but this wasn't bad. Not bad at all. Can he be all sexy with the gun again? That was rather nice.

One way you can tell that MB has the glower down but not quite the moves to be an action hero is by watching the fight scenes. Peter Wingfield once revealed that the faster the cuts and more tightly edited the fight, the crappier at least one of the actors is at stage fighting. If there are long shots and body shots of the actor in motion, that's when you know they're doing the business. On this basis, MB's ability to kick crap on film is all smoke and mirrors. Never mind, I can live with the illusion of wickedness.

Stargate: Summit. Not as bad as I'd read. I was quite enjoying the show again, but hey, consider what I watch for pleasure these days J. I thought the picture of Sha're on Daniel's desk was a nice touch. He'd been looking at it, so you know why he decided to do it - it was a revenge thing. I adored Jacob calling him Danny. Oh yeah, the kid's been adopted (as the daughter Jacob always wanted). Just when Aldwin and the new Lt become interesting, they kill them off. Typical, but even the Great Joss is guilty of this one. Daniel in the regrettable slave outfit - oh yeah, I'm mourning the lost gold g-string opportunities here. Sam's obviously upset over the fate of Martouf - yay Sam. She's human again. Kudos to Mandy for wringing everything she could from the script. Jack - the grumpy old man routine just ain't working for me, sorry. Teal'c - part of the furniture, as usual. Not a bad episode. Not subtle, but hell, compared to Attack of The Clones, it's comparable, and for a cheap cable tv show, that's not bad. I really liked the idea of Danny going to war for one love, and fucking up for another. Poor boy. His sex life is almost as fucked up as Sam's. Maybe more so.

And now, my Munchkin (SVU), still dressing like it's 1979. Bless.

I can talk. Seems like I've spent the whole week in the 80s. If it's not Michael Biehn it's Rob Lowe or Richard Dean Anderson and Martin Kemp was in the Outer Limits and now they're playing old 80s stuff on musicMax. The guilty pleasures of a sad bastard. Can I sing along to all these songs? Oh yeah. This is why I struggle with javascript et al. My brain is all ready full up with bad 80s pop lyrics.

Stargate: Cold Lazarus. Phallic blue crystals, Abyss riffs, Jack angst. I really like this one. Jack as a fully rounded human being. Jack with a history. Jack actually showing emotions. Daniel gloating over being the font of all Jack gossip. Jack actually having chemistry with a female lead. Sam and Danny playing like children. What's not to love. God, I miss this show. It had its moments.

Friday: The Biehn Project
The last of the local vid shop's Biehn supply. Whimper. First up: Rampage. Shocking scenes, warns the video cover. Yeah right. I await my shocking scenes but like an STA bus, they never arrive. After years of watching Silent Witness, McCallum, Profiler and the X Files, I'm just not that shocked or titilated by the odd body part on screen. I thought it was going to be hunt the serial killer but it was prosecute the serial killer. Only it wasn't even that, either. Bugger the court case, here's the message: the death penalty is wrong. I already don't agree with the dealth penalty (for a variety of reasons, like countries without the death penalty have a much lower homicide rate, 75% of death row inmates have their cases overturned, that sort of thing) so preaching to the choir here, and it was preachy. It made Law & Order look subtle and delicate. Michael is no Sam Waterson, and the bug eyed glasses - just say no. Though he did say no to them, a lot, whipping them off dramatically at the slightest excuse. Nor did his character apparently need them for driving, reading or moping dramatically so perhaps they were just a dorky affectation. Maybe that was why his wife was leaving him - and what a bitch. Biggest case of the poor guy's life and what does she do - support him? No, she makes his life worse by leaving him. Bitch.

Moving on. Chain of Command.Oh dear. A very sad Die Hard wannabe and they don't even avert a nuclear strike on DC, so what sort of hero is that guy, though I don't have to worry about Sam Seabourne in the White House anymore - whimper. Michael was sending out Bad Guy vibes right from the start again, like he did in Art of War, so the revlation of his true colours was hardly shocking when it came. Nice suit though. Very ABC. Not much for the boy to do here but glare, be menancing, kill a few people, stand around and look cool with a gun, and die at the end.

Next: In a Shallow Grave. Homoeroticism yay. You know, I really don't go searching for slash under every rock and bushell, but I'm sitting there thinking hmmmmm and telling myself sternly that I'm watching it wrong until Patrick Dempsey practically had his tongue down Michael's throat. To borrow from TWOP, you could the tension with a knife, a very gay knife. I really like this, natch. Aside from the obvious, it was all southern American gothic and Michael was doing well as the drugged out desperately sad old southern loon. Even with all that latex on, I'd do him J (heh - reminded of Anthony annoucing how good it was to be at the Cross surrounded by other people who wore latex for a living - such a lad). MB was a fine sight when in flight. Though living where I live I'm less shocked by outer scars like that anyway. Oh yes, he was making bitter and twisted work for me, and for the rest of the male cast too, apparently. I really, really liked this one. Too bad his potential gay lover had to die suddenly and inexplicably after the angst and groping scene but I guess it is an American film. Hey, there's still the black guy. He's burning a big old candle, too. He was definitely interested. Oh, I did like this one. Michael in a little art film, nary a gun in sight. He can do the real acting stuff when the occassion calls for it. He can't dance for shit though.

And that's it. No more videos. I must now rely on the kindness of strangers and cable programmers for my future Biehn fixes. Whimper, sigh, pout.

The Sleep Deprivation Project:
Packed, running about trying to find stuff that was warm, fashionable, didn't mind being shoved in a suitcase, wasn't in the wash, that they haven't see before and that went togeher, plus paraphenalia, then the looong bus ride in. Didn't make it as far as the lifts in the hotel before I ran into my mates. That was really, really fun. They're the reason I'm here. The guests are secondary, but they're good guests. I hit it off with the pupeteers: so, do you have to warm your hands before you shove them up Rygel's arse? J Heh, being Aussies all, I can get away with being this cheeky. No being on my best behaviour for the Yanks. By the end of the weekend, I'll be the prudish one. I meet Jonathan, the voice of Rygel. I was warned he is Rygel in essence, and he is. Totally. Brilliant guy, he reminds me so much of my Dad, which is scary. Severe don't go there territory. But he really, really does, even the really crude jokes and the ablity to talk the legs off a table. Especially that. He's from Wellington, which explains a bit of it, and why he also reminds me of a Prof I once had who was also from Wellington. There's an Aberdonian gene in there somewhere, I know it. Gigi loved the frangipani I bought along as a present. No one else gets why I brought her a frangipani but Gigi does and that's all that matters.

Got back to my room at 1.30 am this morning, and had to get up to be ready when the doors open, to get good seats for photos - I hope. A friend asks if she can share my room. I say yes, but then she starts asking things like do I mind if she plays her Gregorian chants cd all night so I renege. I feel really bad about it but I really love the room this time and I was really looking forward to some quiet time, so I was mean but I'm really enjoying just being here all by myself and scribbling away, uniterupted.

Day 2.
Ouch. Head hurts. This is definitely an Oz con: small, an almost 7:1 fan to guest ratio, and it's rude, crude and in the mood. Particularly Joanthan, who is the very personfication of Rygel. Because they're Oz guests, the fans get the chance to be cheeky. One row were holding up scorecards after every guest panel. Ah, this is fun, even if I'm so tired as to be a total space cadet. Have been trying to be good and not spend too much money. It's easy in a way, as this is the first con in years where I've not trotted home with at least one Biehn pic. Whimper. Wail. I did manage to score some Lex, but he doesn't quite move me the way Biehn does. Lex my head likes, like a gay best friend, while Biehn gets me on a much more visceral level. But I digress.

All the guests were fun. Lani barely got a word in as Jonathon set forth like the old theatre ham that he is. Gigi was as cute as a pixie and Anthony was just, well, totally Oz.

The main discussions centred around makeup, auditioining for the roles, choice of accents, rude bits we'll never get to see, not even on the dvds, that sort of thing. Nothing I haven't read in a magazine before. Gigi announced her great love of playing crack whores. Peter Phelps and Frank Thring were dissed. Ditto Charlton Heston: the man had a great dedication to his craft and therefore was tedious beyond words. The original voice of Rygel was let go because he sounded like a gay Mancunian. Everyone in Oz who hasn't seen the show calls it Fire Escape, because they have no idea. Anthony dissed All Saints. Lots. He was nearly on it, but realised to his horror it was a soap and not the Oz ER he was promised. Anthony has being trying to give D'Argo a sense of humour for 4 seasons. Anthony also likes to make d'Argo dance around in the background just for the heck of it, just to see if anyone is paying attention. In Thank God It's Friday Again D'Argo is doing the dance steps out of a Bros video. Scary but true. Ant is such a big dag. Anthony took the job because he was a mad keen muppet fan as a kid and he was so tickled to see some of the Dark Crystal stuff up close when he was in London. There might be the obligatory musical episode, one of these days. No nude episode though. I asked. J Oh yeah, and D'Argo got his tan in S2 just because it looked less rubbery. Ant says the exploding sun must have been the cause of the deep tan.

Saturday Night:
The dinner and disco portion of the evening, where I am treated to/traumatised by the sight of some girls and boys from 'Scape YMCAing into the wee small hours. Those pupeteers can party. I have photos and Mario has begged me not to put them online. Insert evil laughter here.

Sunday:
Alas, I have been sworn to secrecy on all the really good bits, I truly have. Normally it'd be like yeah, right, but they'll know it was me, they know where I live and they're only ten minutes away. So I'll do my best to be good, though it's killing me here. The cocktail party only rocked on until 1.30 am (this is what happens when I get Monday off for once: everyone else has to go to work) but there was the disturbing incident of the Blue Bear. Say no more. There was also a room party vid screening of episodes fresh(ish) off SciFi attended by some of the cast, who never get a chance to see finished episodes, as it doesn't screen out here, who provided in house X rated commentary and much mst3king, none of which can be repeated, alas, especially the bits about muppet sex. I was crying with laughter though, so you can just imagine. Saw the really Avengers surreal Max Headroom homage (coughripoffcough) Ben scripted episode. They really need to keep Ben away from the red and blue smarties. Dear me, that boy's psyche - I despair, I truly do. I was also sworn to secrecy on most of the day's gossip, because S3 & 4 haven't screened here yet and they weren't supposed to be dropping huge steaming spoilers left, right and centre, but the con tapes - never seeing the insides of an editing suite - will be a matter of public record. Which is good because alcohol and lack of sleep has rendered a good deal of it a blur. Quote of the day goes to Lani: "Just sit on me and think of England", regarding a Crais scene in Green Eyed Monster. Panel highlight was the pupeteers and their bright green socks. The thought of Matt kitted out as a bright green natural gas dancer ...oh dear. Gigi was a little hyper pixie again. Someone ought to really not let her get near the red cordial. Jonathan lectured on acting (mucho dissing of the Home & Away cast: just being in front of a camera does not an actor make, and too bloody true, mate). David scored the other quote of the day, describing his ascension through the PK ranks: You've got to give head to get ahead. Heh, you're not watching his character wrong, at any rate. Wicked boy. Hmmm, yes, and that's the clean stuff I can tell you about. I think whilst in my cups I bemused and horrified Lani by admitting I try to get my boxed sets to spell out ARSEcapf on the bookshelf. The poor man.

So yeah, an all Oz FS con. I'd love to tell you it didn't devolve into Animal House like antics, but I'd be lying J.

<< click here for more pictures





Monday: More of the Biehn Project. Well, okay, just a repeat of Cherry
Falls, but what the hey. Also watched Homicide, BtVS, Dark
Angel. Set the tape for SFU. Was so zonked that on the bus ride home
that when a cheerful Irish chappy was looking for a street in my suburb could
I remember where it was and take him there? No. Fail.

Ow. It's hurts, it hurts, as Monkey used to say. Wonder how the Farscape guys are going. I'm beyond burnout, which I hit in late May anyway, hence my ability to piss everyone off by accidentally saying/writing things that are better left unsaid - whoopsie. No, beyond that. I'm into half dreaming vision quest tired. Which means I've come up with a plot and scenes for yet another and hopefully last M7 fic. Well, it'll have to be the last because, well, it had to happen. And then there were six. Yep, to give the fic a real sense of jeopardy, somebody had to make like Tara. Bugger, eh? All too sad. But so much fun to write. Will try and scribble more notes today, because as sure as shit I'll fuck up at work again today. I mean, I'm surprised I managed to dress myself and get out the door this morning.

• BOBW
• Farscape
• Women push through the canvas ceiling
• Don't trust the tidy tyrants - they created this whole mess
• Mega-monsters unearthed in outback death trap
• Naval Noise: Whale of a Problem
• Mile-Wide Asteroid Might Collide
• Something in the air: 50 years ago, UFOs streaked over D.C.
• Small ranchers' big beefs: They feel squeezed by feedlots, activists
• Deep Linking Takes Another Blow